Cocks

January 29, 2014 in Chickens

1526968_10153619735775117_402176070_nThis thing right here. This is a cock. Cocks are great if you limit yourself to one. But the more cocks you add, the more problems you’re gonna have… it’s a fact.

Keeping one cock makes for pleasant morning wake ups. You’ll never sleep in with a cock nearby. One cock ensures a boisterous wake up call, but much more tolerable than an alarm clock. Many cocks make 5 am  a headache. You’ll want to Bobbitt them all.

If you have just one cock, he’ll protect his ladies. He’ll make warning noises when threats swoop in, he’ll fight to protect their honour. If you have several cocks they become useless. Suddenly more interested in one-upmanship than gallantry, they’ll turn into real pecker heads, fighting at every sideways glance, and preferring to rip the eyes from a peer instead of attacking outsiders.

No cock is a gentleman when it comes to sex, but if there’s just one at least he can take his time. One cock may make it last for 20 or 30 seconds. Add more cocks to the mix and they’re all jumping in for a piece of the action. The poor ladies come out looking battered and beaten, their feathery finery ripped from their flesh. More than one cock is a surefire gang rape for every hen in the house.

So how do you avoid a surplus of cock?

If you hatch your own chicks it’s a problem. It’s bloody hard to tell a male from a female until the bastard opens his mouth and utters his first pathetic crow. That crow usually sounds like someone playing a Jethro Tull record backwards while scratching a broken needle across the vinyl. Once cocks realize that they’re not hens, they usually spend a few months running from the older cocks. Cocks can be real chickens.

You can buy sexed chicks from a hatchery, but we all knows what happens to the male birds there. Nothing like being tossed live into a grinder. Even cocks don’t deserve an ending like that.

For a while I was successful at finding homes for our excess cocks using Kijiji. Everyone loved a free cock, and if I photographed them just right, people always wanted to take them home.

But now we’re trying to make a living at this, and a free cock is no longer a good cock. Plus, it seems EVERYONE has 8 surplus cocks. You can’t give the damn things away. Therefore we’ve decided to eat our cocks . Most of them are lean in the meat department, but they do make good curries and soups.

Troy killed his first cock a few weeks ago. It went into a pot and became a fine Indian butter chicken. With 8 cocks in the henhouse however, that was just the start of things to come.

I feel bad for the the cocks, but I suspect it’s better to kiss the hatchet than to get pecked to death. I feel worse for me. The merciless and terrible jokes about cock soup and  cock nuggets make me cringe. There are cock feet hanging from baling twine all over the big barn. Troy seems to think he’s going to get rich drying them and selling them to people to dangle from their rearview mirrors.

Cocks. What do you do? I’m open to suggestions.

 

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